Totally random but funny…

TOP TEN REASONS WHY 9-1-1 IS MORE THAN JUST A JOB:

10. You get a stronger sense of your own humanity by helping others.
9.   You get a better feeling about your own loser life compared to the life stories of
       pathetic RPs.
8.   Chance to meet, date, marry, and divorce a cop.
7.   Can do #8 more than once.
6.   Fashionable uniform prepares you to be a trend-setter  when polyester comes back
      in style.
5.   Abundance of  “challenged” citizens insures job security.
4.   Tales told by  “mentally evacuated” callers are often more entertaining than TV.
3.   Dealing with the multicultural community allows you to learn swear words in many
      different languages.
2.   Potential for being “discovered” when media arrives to cover department screw-ups.
1.   Can drive like hell and good chance you’ll never get a ticket.

 

 

THINGS YOU’D LOVE TO SAY TO THE PUBLIC BUT CAN’T…

• And your crybaby, whiny-assed opinion would be…?

• Do I sound like a people person?

• This isn’t a Comm Center… it’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.

• I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me.

• Sarcasm is just one more customer service benefit we offer.

• You.. off my planet!

• Does your train of thought have a caboose?

• Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

• And what law school did you graduate from, Matlock?

• I’m okay because the voices tell me so.

• Am I getting smart with you? No, I’ll keep it on your level.

• And which one of the Seven Dwarfs are you?

• I don’t have an attitude problem.  You have a perception problem.

• I’d explain it to you, but I’m afraid your brain would explode.

• I’m sorry you got a speeding ticket. You feel you don’t deserve it? What, did the officer interrupt your qualifying lap?

• There are two things on Earth that are universal: hydrogen and stupidity.  You don’t look like an atomic weapon, so that leaves us with one alternative…

• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

• Do they ever shut up on your planet?

• I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

• How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

• Earth is full. Go home.

• Is it time for your medication or mine?

• Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

• Don’t start with me!  You won’t win.

• WARNING: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

• When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.

• Sorry if I sounded interested… I’m not!

• And your point is?

• You have the right to remain silent, so please shut up.

• Don’t upset me!  I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.